Me Again

Why does depression just come out of the blue and smack ya? As I sit here typing meaningless words for only myself to read~I feel like screaming why me?  Why was I the one who got chosen to feel like this? Why am I the one??  I feel like a piece of shit I work at a dead ass job which isn't going to get me anywhere in my life! This isn't where I saw myself when I was younger!  I saw myself doing so many different things with my life, But I let depression take over instead.  What good am I if I can't take control of it??  Depression is the worst thing to ever have but yet people don't look at it like that It's just an excuse for being lazy!  Fuckers!  I'd like half the people who think depression is just a BS excuse to have it if only for a month!  It's hell!  It's not like I woke up one day and said well today I will be depressed and I'll feel like this for the rest of my life.  I have my happy days where depression isn't even given a second thought, But then there's day's like today where depression is my main thought.  ANd it's not like I have anyone to talk to about it.  then again why would I want to talk about it?  I don't like thinking about my problems why would someone else want to hear about it??  Not to mention the people who say they have depression just to get attention!  Who the hell wants attention?? I don't want people thinking about me or worrying about me!  I don't want there pity go pity someone else!  Can't even sit and read nor watch tv not with my mind running a million thoughts a minute!   Used to have friends to call everyday funny how they all seemed to disappear.  Like always what good are they for anyways?? Not for me!  I've thought about writing stories but the "excitement feeling" always dies before I get through a chapter,  My grammer and spelling sux!  I can never word my words right.   Well I am off maybe I'll find something interesting or then again maybe I'll be back to write more worthless Bs!