Why haven't I updated and where have I been? I'm not to sure if you find out let me know...I love the above pic I don't care what people think about cats and babies mixing I love it :). Not too much is going on. My depression is back 10 times fold. I can feel it. Like a virus eating away at me. Not many notice Brett does but of course he does he loves me. I made a doctors appt I go on Tuesday I'll be back on meds. Don't want to be but I suppose at this point I have to be. I hate this disease. Takes over my wholeself. Someone said to me the other day that I'm selfish for having kids since my disease is hereditary. Never thought of it like that.....Hate to see my kids go through this. Hate to see anyone go through it. Feel like sitting here and crying but why? What's that solve? A whole bunch of nothing....Should be happy. I have a wonderful man and 2 wonderful kids who need me! But I just can't not feel like this. Wish I could. We were watching tv earlier and a commercial came on about people owning there first houses and Brett said "Someday that will be us" I just looked at him and laughed. Yeah right! His child support went up now he'll be paying double from what he was paying...Now it's like the raise never happened. Were going to have to move landlords are pushing to sell the house not to mention it's falling apart....Roof was fixed last summer but it's leaking again...Half the lights don't work and the carpets smell. But rent is so high everywhere else... I have no idea what were going to do...And I suppose curling up in a ball isn't an option..It be nice. Not sure what else to write so I'll just say good night sorry I haven't been reading journals lately but I don't know wish people could understand....
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4 comments:
I am sorry your feeling so down! I also know what it is like to have depression. It is a constant battle. It is always lurking around the corner waiting to stirke. There will be days I find myself happy and then BAM- just like that- depression sets in. Yesterday my depression started to come back and I dont want to get back on medicine for it but I might not have a choice. Last medicine I was on was Effexor 150 mg and I dont like effexor. coming off of it was horrible. the withdraw from it was so bad I felt like I would die. It was that bad. But I was unfortunatly cursed with depression. There are times I just want to lock myself in a dark room and let no one in. It gets that bad. Depression has a way of taking over your whole life. You dont want it to- it just does. I also have been diagnosed with anxiety/panic disorder. I also use to get panic attacks all the time and panic attacks are so scarey. And if all of that isnt bad enough- I also have insomnia and rarely get much sleep.
I also know what you are going through when it comes to the child support because my husband has to pay his ex child support too and they make him pay so much just for one child. I think the whole system is messed up. atleast where I live anyways.
I hope you soon feel better and I Just wanted you to know you are not alone.
((((Hugs))))
http://journals.aol.com/angelm0304/MyLife
i forgot to tell you that your baby is sooooo adorable. You are truly blessed.
http://journals.aol.com/angelm0304/MyLife
Oh, Stephy. I'm sorry you're feeling so blue. Maybe medicines are the answer. Don't worry about not reading journals, but please keep us updated on everything whenever you can.
Love that picture, by the way.
Love,
b
I suffered from post partum depression so badly after I had my 2nd child that I almost ended up in a mental institution! I didn't want to be put on drugs either and I fought it like crazy, that was until I realized where they were going to send me! I started taking the antidepressants and felt better within one month. With Emma, they started me on the antidepressants at 7 months pregnant, just because they knew how I would be after having her. Depression also runs in my family, and that gives NO ONE any right to tell you that you shouldn't have children because of it being hereditary!!! That is like having someone say you shouldn't have children because high blood pressure runs in the family! That really pisses me off!! Just take those meds Stephy, and you will be feeling better within the month. I know you will!
Hugs and love, Lisa
P.S.: I LOVE that picture of your daughter and the kitty!! I never believed that crap about the cat robbing the child of their breath! What a crock!
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