Here I am

Sorry I haven't written I honestly don't know why I haven't I've just been feeling blah lately I suppose.  Brett was gone all last week.  And I suppose I should start with that....Okay the week before  I was talking to my cousin Melissa and I said to her "While Brett's gone next week you'll have to come spend a COUPLE day's with me."  And a couple day's turned into her mother dropping her off on Friday (before Brett left) and having her stay her till Thursday!  I was not pleased!  I don't know about anyone else, But when Brett's going away for a couple day's the last 2 nights we like to really spend together if you know what I mean and because she was here in the very next room staying up WAY past the time we did we didn't get to spend anytime together.  Except on Saturday when Brett's mom babysat and Brett took me out to lunch.  And while we were out to lunch Brett had made the comment that while he's gone maybe I should record what Melissa is doing online because whenever he came into the computer room and she was on she was acting very secretive so I said okay.  He left Sunday and I had my brother come stay the night too (for a couple days) Which meant he came over Sunday and left Tuesday like a normal person a couple day's.  So I downloaded a program to record Melissa's online time and low and behold I find out she's going into chat rooms stating she's "A 15 yr old from NY looking for love"  And she's talking to 27 yr old guys.  Needless to say I was freaking.  I went over to my grandma's and asked her what I should do..And we decided for me to make a small comment to her about how I could see everything she does online if I needed to and she better behave.  And she tells me oh I do.  I get online (she uses AIM not AOL) and I block her screen name from going to chat rooms and such and what does she do?  She makes a new screen name!  My trust and everything went right out the window.  I felt betrayed I still do.  And now it's to the point I don't want her around.  My grandma decided she was going to call Melissa's mom and talk to her about it.  But I'm not sure if she has yet..I'll call my grandma today and find out.  But off that whole subject Brett came home Friday and it was nice.  I hate him being gone.  But him and I were laying in bed talking and he says "You know what I was thinkingyou could start getting a degree in something so that when both the kids go to school you can get a good job."  And I felt like I was 14 again sitting in my guidance councilors off trying to figure out what I want to be.  I never knew what I wanted to be.  Nothing every appealed to me enough to get a job doing it.  I don't know it upset me pretty much and it got me thinking what are other female relatives in my family doing?  Not that I have anything wrong with there job's but I just can't see myself doing what there doing,  My grandma has worked in a bakery for 30 some odd years, My mom went to school to be an RN but instead she's a receptionist at an old age home.  My AUnt Debbie~She cleans houses, My AUnt Jeanette~stays home with the kids....  I don't know I just could never think of anything I wanted to be "when I grew up".  Ugh but I am off my cat just puked and I have tons of cleaning to do.  I'm going to try and catch up on journal's this week.  *hugs*