Happy Birthday to my little man

Happy Birthday to my little man!
On that note the Educational Advocate we met with yesterday is pretty much going to do the leg work for us. She's going to get all the letters and such written then all I need to do is print them and sign them. Hopefully this will help. I'm also not going to tell the school I am just going to give them the element of surprise. They really aren't telling me much.
I did talk to the teacher for a few minutes yesterday and she said he had a really good day. Except he doesn't want to eat in the cafeteria. He's saying it's because it's too loud and gives him a headache but the mommy in me feels there's more to it. Something with the kids in his class but he's not admitting anything.
He came home from school and was overly clingy. Which should have been my first clue but I didn't think much about it. He seemed to be doing fine but then after dinner I told all the kids they could play the Wii. Well Caleb had wanted to play a single player game, So I told him no they only had a half hour to play and it would only be fair to play a multi player game so everyone could play. Well that's when he started freaking out. Screaming yelling and carrying on told everyone he hated them and that no one was going to play the Wii because he had the first player remote. So I very gently went and took the remote out of his hand and handed it to Maddy and told Caleb maybe he should go in his room for some quiet time. He made it to the kitchen and just dropped to the floor. So I got right on the floor with him and started trying to talk to him. And he was just going on and on how he didn't deserve to play with the other kids because he was such a horrible kid and he was stupid. And I just kept reassuring him what a wonderful kid he ways and how many people truly did love him.
I had him take his Melatonin and then walked with him in his room so he could get his pajamas on and try to calm down so he could get to bed on time. And as soon as we got in his room he threw himself on his bed and started just talking badly about himself. He was never going to be anything when he grew up because he was such a stupid kid and I was telling him he was such a smart kid and he's wonderful and he just kept going. At that point all I could do was hold him and listen to him talk badly about himself. If I would have tried to talk I would have lost it and started crying. I told him I'd be right back and I went to the bathroom and tried to call Brett's cell and he wouldn't freaking answer it. So I tried calling my mother in law and she must have been already in bed because I got her answering machine. So I told the other two kids to get ready for bed, And I went in the bedroom and told Caleb to just come sit in my room so Elijah could get ready for bed. And he came in my room and I had the nail clippers sitting on my bed and he picked them up and started playing with them and he was still talking about what a horrible child he was and he did horrible and hit his teacher and got suspended at the age of 6 and he was the worst child ever. And I was like No Caleb you are not your a very smart kid and Mommy loves you and people make mistakes it's okay. And he shouldn't have bad thoughts like that about himself. And he looked at me and said "If you don't stop saying things like that to me I'm going to poke out your eyes with these nail clippers." So I calmly took them from him and said "Caleb you don't really mean that don't talk like that." And he just started back up about what a stupid and horrible kid he was. At the point I started crying because I didn't know what to do for my child when he was suffering so much on the inside. And he noticed me crying and said "See I'm such a horrible kid I make my mom cry." I told him it was okay and it didn't make him horrible I just wanted to help him. And he told me he wasn't worth helping. So I told him I was going to go have a cigarette and I'd be right back. And I went into the laundry room (Where we smoke) And just lost it I was crying and shaking so hard I couldn't even smoke. I grabbed the phone and called my little brother and just lost it crying hysterically. Ryan finally calmed me down, And I let him go to go back to Caleb.
I get in there and now I can tell his mood has changed again because he looked angry and I asked him if he was going to get ready for ed and he automatically just started arguing with me. And no matter what I said he just argued and acted pissy so I told him just to get under the covers and sleep on Daddy's side of the bed. Which he did and I went into the living room.
Finally Brett calls back He was at dinner and couldn't hear his phone and I just lost it on him. Telling him with him being out of town and everything that's going on here he has to make sure he has his phone on him where he can hear it at all times. And I told him everything that had happened and he wanted to talk to Caleb so I brought the phone in and he talked to him for a bit and Caleb seemed a bit happier. So I again kissed him goodnight and went in the living room I get to the living room and Brett says oh wait I need to tell him something else so back to the bedroom I headed and gave the phone back to Caleb and Brett tells him He wanted to wish him a Happy Birthday since he won't be here in the morning and this way Caleb can get up and remember Daddy saying it so he can be the first that said it and to remember Daddy would be thinking of him. And Caleb loses it just starts crying hysterically. That he doesn't want Daddy to think of him he wants Daddy here because he's been gone a long time.
I finally calmed him down and got him to sleep.
So on his birthday we wake up he again fights me on the meds but he takes it and he seems to be doing good. I told him I'd call the school and see if I could come up for lunch with him because his school allows you to go to the school on your kids birthday and eat with them. But I'd have to call to find out about Maddy as they don't like you bringing siblings to the school but I was hoping for some kind of special treatment because of what he's going through. And I tell him but if I can't not to be upset. And off to school goes. I call the school and ask permission and the principal says No I just can't allow siblings to be brought in. And I was like look I'll eat with him in your office if it's an issue I just don't want him eating alone he had a bad night last night. And she says well I saw him this morning and he was in a really happy mood and I was like right welcome to bipolar his moods can change anytime. But she wouldn't let me. Ugh!
But he came home from school and he seemed to be in a good mood. He said he ate lunch in then therapists office and the other therapist gave him a free ice cream so he was really excited.
I made him cupcakes and my brother came over to hang out with him so he was really excited about that. And I gave him one of the gifts we bought him for his birthday one of the UB Funkeys He was excited about that and played with that for awhile. So his birthday was a good day till bedtime at 11 he still wasn't asleep so I just let him go sleep in my bed again and he fell right asleep. So I just don't know.
But this entry took me 2 days to write it's now Friday but it was pretty emotional and took me awhile to write. And Brett comes home tonight around 11. Maddy went with my MIL to work today and then she's going to sleep there and I am trying to do some extra cleaning so I am off. Thank you everyone for all your well wishes. Sorry it took me so long to post this.
*hugs*