I hate this

This sucks so much!  It's 1:19am and I should be sleeping but I just can't!  I can't stop crying I feel like I'm going to be sick.  I'm just so frustrated with all this crap going on. I don't know what to do! I have no idea who else my neighbor has talked to and who else thinks I'm such an awful parent to my child. I'm not I'm really not. I love Caleb more then life itself..And all of you have been great and so supportive but I just can't stop myself from being afraid of the outcome. I can't and I won't lose my baby!  The worst time of my life right now and my so called best friend stopped calling me!  I made a smart comment about "Attached" parenting so she's not talking to me but yet she can insult me all the time about the way I parent Caleb!  And no that's not really a type of friend I need..But right now I need someone!  Heaven forbid Brett talk about his feelings with me!  All he did was so he felt hopeless well so do I!  But I'm the one who can't sleep I'm the one up all night crying.  I just don't know how I'm going to be able to make it through this!  Lisa had made a comment about I can't turn jaded and stop trusting people but how can I not??  I've been fucked ver so many times in my life..Why would this be any different.  You know I had a pretty crappy life up until I met Brett and he's been great yeah he has his things that drive me crazy but he's a man!  And then Caleb came along and I was so happy I finally realized a reason to live a reason to make it through the day..My place is staying home and being there for my child it just feels right, That's when I'm happiest and it's hard for me to be happy. And now I have to deal with this!  I so just want to walk next door and confront the stupid Bitch but then I could get in trouble and it be an even bigger threat of losing Caleb..I mean yes we Have a lot of people saying were great parents and I'm great with Caleb..But how many people do they have saying I'm not??  There's been low points where I felt like Caleb deserved better then what Brett and I could give him...But I mean that's what everyone wants is there child to have the best of everything.  No one could ever love Caleb more then me!  I hate getting myself so worked up like this but once everyone else is sleeping and the house is quiet my mind starts running a mile a minute and I just can't stop it.  Here I have to be up in 4 and a half hours and I'm to upset to sleep.  My eyes are killing me from crying my nose hurts since I can't find the tissues and I'm using paper towels to blow my nose on.  Not to mention Caleb is really fussy tonight..And everytime he makes a sound I run in there to check on him for fear the woman next door will say I let him cry all night in bed.  This is so crazy!  But I better calm myself down and get upstairs, Caleb hasn't fussed in 20 mins so maybe he finally is asleep asleep and I can go try and watch some tv and get some sleep. *hugs*